My life isn’t Monday to Friday any more, as it was for so many years previous.  It’s a blend of my heart on my sleeve with whatever flies off the cuff mixed in with a few appointments and necessary happenings scattered in between.  A few cups of coffee.  Bacon.  Even though my style may be a bit unorthodox, as a woman of many roles I find I am always on the look out for one thing that really drives my future behaviour: RESULTS.  

This weekend I was able to spend some time at Candle Lake which is an hour drive from the city.  It’s truly paradise for those of us who love and embrace the outdoors.   I went with my two youngest children with the intention of seeing them fully enjoy this weekend in the outdoors.  This took me well beyond my comfort zone as there was no heat and no one else to count on except for myself.  As I enjoyed many particularly beautiful moments with my little ones, I was able to reflect on my journey to this point - the point where I strive to feel happiness every day, no matter what.  A goal to find beauty in something, one thing, any thing, every day.  To feel connected with life.  I captured some photos and wrote down some interesting thoughts.

There was a time in my adult life when I was often making excuses. I was busy victimizing myself. I eventually realized there was little value in remaining where I was so I started to dump the excuses and began working on myself every day - some days were horrible and mistake-ridden but I persisted. Some days were all magic and beauty. I had to let go of some of my old self and ultimately I came to understand that my thoughts and actions would guide me wherever I chose. I started to figure out what I needed to do to keep moving forward. I took risks. I was scared because lots of those risks involved challenging many traditional ideas I was taught throughout most of my life up until that point. I was scared of many things but I learned fear kept me in my comfort zone - that is the hardest part when confronting change.  

I began to sit back and listen more. I focused on what was going on inside me, mentally and physically and emotionally and spiritually. The old me was living comfortably but to move forward I had to disconnect from those old ways and embrace difference.  That is still difficult, as necessary as it is.  It is mostly difficult because it separates me from many old habits.  Old habits die hard (it’s true).  I had to accept the consequences of several decisions that significantly altered my life and so I taught myself to allow forgiveness, daily.  Because sometimes I don’t like the consequences.  And because daily I screw up in some way.  And so does someone else.  And so it goes.  I choose to continue to “go with the flow” even though it might mean more work, more thought, more effort.

Things started to change as I worked harder - they changed because I allowed myself to be comfortable in uncomfortable situations. I maintained several goals in mind. It never helped to resist what was coming, good or bad. Being uncomfortable provided the fuel to analyze what I did to get me where I was; discipline to keep working; and motivation to move beyond. Plans and goals were adjusted many times but my hard work always paid off.  Every day of my life is full of challenges and errors but I learn how to do things differently, and better, when I accept responsibility for my choices and refuse to be a victim of circumstance.  

To move forward I must find it within myself to love and believe in me first and foremost. That may sound selfish yet I’ve found it is the only way to find what drives me which is required in order to expand creativity and curiosity; I believe these come naturally to every child but unfortunately are lost in the business of life.  And it is true that I can’t be there for anyone if I’m not being there for myself first.  Being successful in every area of my life is a daily goal and it takes a huge amount of focus and living in the moment.  Failure is also inevitable and needs to be embraced so learning can happen and transcend me to a higher place.  I am continually a work in progress and I only compete against the person I was yesterday. 

I realize there is only one chance to live the kind of life I want.  No one else on this earth is responsible for that.  When I started working for my goals, and not those of others, the more extraordinary my life became.  I take a lot of risks knowing life today can look incredibly different tomorrow, for better or worse.  When I take those risks, I’m all in - and the result always leaves me fulfilled as I confirm what was intended or not intended for me.  I could tell countless stories of the trauma and tragedy my mind has encountered and endured but it’s more of a pleasure to leave this behind me and honour the woman I’ve become despite it all.  I have lived through different hardships but it’s an unavoidable part of life.  No one goes unscathed.  

Going to the lake this weekend, without the assistance of anyone else as depicted over the last 42 years, was completely out of my comfort zone.  It was all on me to keep the kids safe, fed, and entertained – the challenge was cooking meals over fire, keeping warm and sleeping at 5C, and overall just being at a place I’ve avoided for several years because of my own personal issues.  I chose to look past the negative and sad parts and instead chose success, happiness, and to be comfortable being uncomfortable.  The results were spectacular as the kids and I cherished a wonderful weekend in the woods.